"I was born Oliver. I am no longer Oliver. Oliver was a name given to me by someone who did not fully understand the situation. My current person understood it immediately. She met me as a kitten at her workplace. She remembered me. When the time came, she said she was interested. I had already assumed this."
"I am in your business. This is not a phase. If you have legs, I will be on them. If your legs are on a stool, I will be on your knees. If you are lying down, I will determine the optimal position and assume it. I do not require your input on this. I have assessed the situation and made my decision."
"I met Sparrow on my first day. We were in separate rooms briefly, for reasons I did not ask about. The next morning we were introduced. We became immediate friends. We wore pajamas to commemorate the occasion. I have no further comment on the pajamas."
At Lap Occupancy Solutions, we believe no lap should go unfilled. Our proprietary placement algorithm identifies available leg surface area within a twelve-foot radius and dispatches a warm, heavy, fully committed occupant within seconds. No appointment necessary. No consent required. We do not offer a waitlist because there is no wait. We are already on our way.
