I arrived on a stormy night with my brother Pumpkin. The garage door was open. We assessed the situation and made a decision. That was approximately nineteen years ago and I have no notes.

My grooming standards are non-negotiable. I maintain a strict faucet schedule — two to three visits per night. I enter the bathtub. I announce my arrival. Someone turns on the water. I have been doing this for nineteen years and no one has successfully renegotiated the terms.

I am a tuxedo cat. I dress accordingly. I will sit on whatever you are doing, not because I need your attention, but because your attention should be on me. I am not sorry about this. I have never been sorry about anything.

Pumpkin came in from that storm with me. He is gone now. I remain. Groomed, opinionated, and fully in charge of every faucet in this house. This is what he would have wanted.